Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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