Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
