Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
