I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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