after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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