11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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