ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
