I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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