First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
