i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
