they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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