I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
