My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
