for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
