obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
