i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
