We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
