we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
