i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
