Me. At least after what I've been through.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
