Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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