I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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