That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
