If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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