I am puke
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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