I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
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nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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