So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
