you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
