Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
