I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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