please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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