Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
