hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
