I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
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I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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