I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
