An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
