I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
