Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
