I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
