He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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