We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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