i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
