I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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