just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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