Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
