His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Im part way to drunk.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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