she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
