Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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