Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
