my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
