in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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