I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize