He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
