you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
not ubering you a puppy
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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