No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
