i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
