Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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