i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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