Will you blow on my dice?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
