Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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