If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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