I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
