Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
