idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
