there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
