My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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