Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
