Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
