do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
