as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
a search helicopter?!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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