Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Man, jail baloney is awful.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
