my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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