I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
