well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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