I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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