I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
