nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
