also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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